I am just fine

I expected you to be home today
but I dont see your car blocking the doorway
I walked up the stairs
and realized you are never there

Though, you're not spending a night here
nobody's wasting their tears
mom said you're out of town
I guess those sweet words are dragging you down

It's such a shame you prefer unintellectual people like them
I'm not a domestic animal that can be tamed
I guess that is my mistake
that I could never learnt how to fake

you can move on to any ladies
I know everybody deserves to be happy
if our family has lost your trust
just erase all your memories that include us

don't tell me to calm down and let it go
coz i'm already an expert of doing so
I'm telling you now doesn't mean I'm a big trouble child
I'm not sad or fucked up,I am just totally fine

dear my favourite song...

Dear my favourite song,
I wrote you a letter
to thank you for making me strong
and for special kind of love you offer

in the sound of sad woodwind
combined with touching strings
I am caught up in a fairytale scene
and all covered by your angelic wings

everytime I feel so alone
You sing to me
with a very soft and sweet tone
it's your warmth that set me free

when i broke into pieces of glass
you are always by my side
through the good times and bad
your melody holds me tight

your understanding lyrics
mysterious bass and exciting beat
put a spell on me like a magic
walk along with me in this lonely street...

desperate

I am sad I am alone
but I am not desperate
everyday..I cry, I moan
but I am not going to wait

I want someone to hold
be there when i need
someone brave and bold
someone who has a lot to give

I am living in fantasy
but I never forget reality
this is what i was born to be
It's okay if I dont live happily

I love this freedom somehow
sometimes i get confused
so when you came around
I can't help but to refuse..

i don't know you anymore

you come over and we watch same old shows on television
but somewhere in between, you and I sense the depression
after a while, we try so hard to have some communication
i never realized it is this hard to have a nice conversation

then you start to speak, we talk to each other
just to share opinions, we have a fight for hours
as I try to calm down, you yell at me louder
we walk a different path, and you're still going deeper

when did you become to tall and i suddenly get so small
did you forget the time we used to write on this wall
a promise to stick together everytime one of us falls
I wonder what really happened to us after all

years go by, with hope to turn back the hands of time
I keep walking after you everyday and now i am tired
i said I love you while tears are falling from my eyes
It hurts me now but all I have to say is good bye.....

Nothingness

Lying, no feeling, staring at the ceiling
sleeping or waking it all ends up dying

anger, desire, hate and vengence
pain, passion, surprises I lost my sense

monday,tuesday,wednesday what is today?
nothing ever changes in march, april or may

sitting, eating and watching television
black couch, blue house ,same old situation

skins are rotten, forgotten how to talk
bones are cracking, too tired to stand and walk

no birds, blue sky,white clouds or sunshine
everything is all dark like i already died..

timmy's dream

A young boy with disability and scar on his face
dreaming of walking through the imaginary maze
in his hand, holding a big balloon in red color
seeing a real sky instead of glowing star stickers

he throws a stone to see how far it can go
touches the sea watching the wave flows
wondering there must be a reason why
he can't feel a thing even when he cries

Then he realized the place seems so unreal
his wound and scar could never be healed
there is no such place where the deaf child can hear
and the blind man can see things so clear

he said to the fisherman "where am i?"
"how could anyone believe in this impossible lie?"
"you are dreaming, little boy" he replied
the boy asked "can I stay here until the day I die?"

as the boy waits for his answer
he feels the dark clouds are moving nearer
it pulls him down as he tries to struggle
his eyes are fully opened now on his favourite table

the boy wakes up and look into his bedroom mirror
"here I am, still being the ugliest boy ever
How can I be able to forget I'm not like the other kids
if the mirror still haunts me every morning like this"

rain drops fallin on my head

this sky never stops bleeding
raindrops are falling on the ground
we sink, as we start listening
it really brings you down

I can Hardly hear my voice
the music is turned very loud
but you left me with no choice
I can still clearly hear the sound

so I walk to the street
feel the rain hitting my hair
there's nothing that i need
but sunlight in the air

this road is very far
it seems to rain on me harder
noone hands me an umbrella
where i stand,it's getting colder

people ran away to find a cover
and sweet bed they can lie on
tomorrow it's all gonna be over
the rain we thought it was gone

roof above my head

here he comes, the guy dresses in white
he walks inside and asks for the price
here he comes, ghost of the night
as she looks at him,she loses her sight

it's raining in the green garden
raindrops are falling through the roofcrack
yellow water rushes inside the kitchen
it is time to get all the stuff packed

too ashame to get out facing neighbours
too afraid to ask for help
this is our shit,nothing to do with others
all they really care about is themselves

tonight,i can hardly see stars
eventhough there is no roof above my head
the stars might be shining too far
or my senses are already dead.

take me away--04/06/2004

sunlight is burning my eyes
I just want to stay here in the dark
with hair all over my face
Till the day that i die

I Just realized
life is so complicated
You'd never know
You'll never forget

some people born rich
some people born poor
some has no place to sit
this's what i can't endure

please take me away
out of this world,this society
where there's nothing that needs to be paid
where there's only lakes and lilies

numb --23/052004

It's raining outside again,
they said the weather is getting damp and cold
I'm inside the house with air cooler machine ,watching the rains
I don't feel a thing, my body is numb and i'm too old
It has no difference between cold and hot
because I don't feel anything, can't hear my own thoughts
so I light the candles, white and red, Vanilla and rose
do I feel the heat or do I not?
I turn off all the lights,my house is completely dark
only the spark from candles are still bright
I pour candle drops on my hand
The liquid starts to get tougher,
and become big spots on my skin in different colors
Its like a flash coming for a second , like i touch a rose thorn
I can feel the heat for a while, and then my feelings are gone.